Choosing regrets.
Smarter Sundays - Issue #181.
I have previously talked about Regrets of Action v/s Regrets of Inaction, and to that I add two new types of Regret:
Deflating regrets.
Uplifting regrets.
How can regrets be uplifting?
Allow me to explain:
The former happens when you regret things you knew you had to do, were capable of doing, but never followed through on.
The latter happens when you realise what seemed like a regretful decision turned out to be a wise one.
Let me illustrate with a few examples:
In 2012 I decided to quit smoking altogether. The initial months weren’t the easiest, and there were moments of doubt, moments of regret.
“Am I making a mistake here? I don’t get to hang out with my friends as much anymore. What if I end up isolating myself from the group?”
Every party I initially declined to attend, and later parties I was never invited to, led to pangs of regret.
In that moment, it was deflating.
11 years on?
It is Uplifting.
If I had given in to temptation I would have minimised my short term regret, but worsened my long term regret. Today I would have termed it as a deflating regret.
Let’s hark back further: 2007.
I decide to drop out of college, not wanting to continue to study anymore. I didn’t have a concrete plan for what I would do.
But did I care about what will happen in the long run?
Nope.
All I cared about in the moment was that the decision seemed ‘cool’. (Yes, not even joking)
During an age where teenagers are constantly looking for approval from their friends while trying as hard as possible to differentiate themselves, this was my way. I wanted my friends to think it was “cool” and “gutsy”.
In that moment, it was Uplifting.
The decade after that? Deflating.
It was sheer dumb luck that I found my passion in training and things turned out fine. It could have very easily gone south with a single misstep.
Simply put, deflating regrets prioritise the current moment over future moments, and uplifting regrets prioritise future moments over present moments.
Deflating regrets make time your enemy.
Uplifting regrets make time your ally.
While listening to a recent podcast episode I came across a great quote, attributed to Christopher Hitchens:
“In life you must choose your regrets.”
So choose regrets that you hate in the short run but will look back fondly on in the long run.
One Suggestion - Remember, most of your regrets tend to be of inaction, things you didn’t do, and very rarely about the things you did do.
One Question - “What current habit am I continuing just because it feels normal but one that I will come to regret in the long run?”
Prad Tip - Minimise your grudges: Holding a grudge is probably one of the worst regrets since the ability to let bygones be bygones can be snatched away from you.
Happy Sunday!
Lovely read